Boaty's Post #11: Family Councils and Parental Learning

Boaty's Post #10: Communication, communication, communication

That is what I want to post on this week. Communication is weaning in families and marriages. We have become so easily offended and self-entitled that we usually never try to fix our misunderstandings. If I get frustrated at my husband my first thought is, "Excuse me?!" ( in an angry sassy tone)

But something I have learned this week is that we all miscommunicate to each other! Therefore the logical conclusion would be to just be tolerant and patient with one another. Instead of hastening to negative conclusions maybe we should take a step back, breath, and think, "What can I ask to check my understanding and seek clarity in humility."

To strengthen our families and marriages it is vital that we seek to communicate lovingly and effectively with one another.

Try it! I challenge you to seek for understanding this week rather that letting something go that you do not understand.

Boaty's Post #9

These are some of the highlights from what I learned this week:

1. Each spouse brings unique qualities and quirks into their
marriage.
 Because of this there will be natural conflict, but that does not
need to hault a couple in their personal and marital growth.

2. Couples can only effectively overcome their conflicts when
they learn to respect each others point of views and seek to
sincerely understand it.

3. Stress can be good in a marriage. The challenge can promote
growth and learning if the couple allows it to.

4. Successful couples constantly are working on meeting their
spouse's need for compassion and understanding.

5. Managing problems requires participation on both sides.
One spouse cannot succeed in carrying all the weight in the
relationship.

6. Taking time to understand each other and compromise takes
longer than a heated arguement, but it is more valuable and
productive in the relationship.

7. Couples' conflicts do not need to involve the four horsemen.
They can have a slightly heated argument and still avoid criticism,
 contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness.

8. Arguments usually end in the spirit they were started in.

9. Exercising self control in expressing anger greatly benefits a
couples spiritual, intimate, and everyday lives.

10. Anger is an expression of behavioral and moral immaturity and
weakness in everyday activities, including relationships.

11. To have a Christ centered life and relationship, couples need to
consecrate all they have, including their relationship, to Heavenly
Father and His church.

Boaty's Post #8: Involving the Father in Child Care

 This week in class we talked about the importance of including the husband/father with the baby. I never really knew ways before how I could do this when my husband and I start our family. As I learned about the studies and counsel on this topic this is what I learned:

How can wives include and involve their husbands before, during, and after the birth of their child? These are fifteen things I have thought about and I hope to follow them when my husband and I are expecting our first child.

Before the birth:

1. Involve him in the prenatal visits.

2. Let him feel the baby’s progression in movements. (like kicking, moving, etc.)

3. Choose a baby name together and then pray about it side-by-side.

4. Go shopping for everything the baby needs together. (room decorations, clothing, etc.)

5. Research baby development and prenatal nutrition together. Eat healthy meals together.

During the birth:

6. Let him be the only family member in the room during delivery. Take that time to bond with him.

7. Allow him to hold the baby first and bond with his new son or daughter.

8. Allow him to choose if he wants to hold your hand or be involved with the nurses.

9. Give him the chance to spend time with you and the baby alone for a time before letting other family members to visit.

10. Allow him to give comfort and encouragement during the delivery.

After the birth:

11. Give him responsibilities and allow him to help with the baby.

12. Trust him to take care and watch the baby alone.

13. Involve him in the everyday routine with the baby.

14. Let him take over bedtime and other activities with the baby.

15. Allow him to comfort the baby in his own style and let him find personal ways to connect with the baby.

Boaty's Post #7: Learning to Love through a Love Map

Before learning this week I had heard of the term ‘Love Map’ before, but I never really knew anything else beyond that. I learned what a Love Map is and that to Dr. Gottman it is the “term for [the] part of [the] brain where [one stores] the relevant information about [their] partner’s life.” I love the way Dr. Gottman explains his terminology. Through looking back on my parents’ marriage and the beginning stages of my marriage, I can slowly start to appreciate how much of our happiness relies on how much we know about our spouses.

From the section principle entitled “Nurturing Your Fondness and Admiration” Dr. Gottman answered a question that I had from the leaning about the Four Horsemen. I wondered “what could help couples with eradicating contempt from their marriage?” the answer became clear in this weeks reading. “The couples need to learn how to love, appreciate, and honor their spouse.” I never really realized before how important it is to let our spouses know that we admire them and are proud of their accomplishments.

I actually had an experience last night where I had to stay home while my husband went to the campus for a meeting to form a new society or group here on campus. He was so nervous about whether enough people would come or be interested. While I was finishing up homework he rushed into the home to tell me how their meeting was a great success and that they are one big step closer to getting the society started. He was so happy and I was able to convey my feelings of admiration and pride in his accomplishments. After telling me more about the meeting I could feel a deep connection with him as I felt and expressed genuine excitement with him.

Even from one small experience I can feel personally how important it is to love, appreciate, and honor our spouses.

Boaty's Post # 6- The Four Horsemen

This week we learned about a concept called the four horsemen in my marriage class. This is definitely something that I have come to appreciate learning about. Basically that are four types of negativity that creep into a marriage and stomp over the relationship until it dies.

They are as follows:

1. Criticism - Complaining specifically about your spouses personality or character.
2. Contempt - Hostile words or behavior towards your spouse. (ex: sarcasm, mocking, eye-rolling, name calling) This is the worst and most damaging of the horsemen.
3. Defensiveness - Defending oneself to their partner as a way of putting the blame on the other.
4. Stonewalling - Intentionally ignoring or drawing back emotionally, physically, and mentally from one's spouse.

I challenge you to understand and remember these types of negativity. Over the next week take a tally of the ones you see in your marriage. Then take action to reverse and stop them. I promise that you can feel more love and connection between you and your spouse.

Boaty's Post #5- An experience that stregthened my love for family

Today in my family relations class we talked about same gender attraction. Our teacher told us of a convention that was held on the morality of this issue. A gay activist stated that, "two gay men together do not effect women and therefore there should not be a debate." Then the concluding speaker, a renounced psychologist and woman, stood and boldly said, "for every gay couple there are two women that will never get the chance to be married or become mothers." This hit me hard. I am a wife. I could not imagine my life without my wonderful eternal companion James. I love him and look forward to when we will be blessed to become parents together. It saddens me that society is starting to believe that the God given and ordained family is obsolete. I am not trying to attack those men who believe they are gay. It applies to two women creating a union too. As a result two men will not have the ability to become husbands and fathers. I believe that marriage is from above. From a loving Father in Heaven. This is my testimony. I know that some may disagree and say I am just a "homophobic." If that is what they choose to think of me, so be it. I love God and I choose to stand and testify with love in my heart that I support the traditional family and its role in the Plan of Salvation and Happiness.